Missing

I haven't told him that I will be back since he hasn't called for weeks. I am trying my very best to hold on to my determination to cut my contacts with him. Just did not cut him on facebook as well since occassionally i still want to know how he's doing. But I've blocked my wall posts so he wouldn't know I'm going back. And I don't have his number anymore now..

Honestly, I really want to see him. I miss him so much... Not sure if he feels the same way as well but I will give anything to see him... But I cannot. I have to control myself. My feelings are silent, and they can only stay that way. It takes a lot of effort to stay sane, but I am glad I am a logical and reasonably sensible person. No matter what, I still trudge on...

So what if we do meet? It's not like we can be together... Or even if we can, what's the point since we'll only be separated again?

Why, after so long, I still cannot cross this hurdle and move on? Why do I feel like he's the one when obviously he's not? Why do I have to feed myself with alcohol every night so that I can at least have a taste of happiness?