An Eerie Tranquility
An entire week. No calls or SMS. All silent.
That SMS I've sent out did take effect. As much as it's tearing me apart, I got to get over this consequence and live my life.
Sometimes I think to myself: If only I've just continued to take the calls and talk happily. What's wrong with that? He called me to let me complain too. He called me to check if I am OK. He knew I am crumbling under stress at both jobs. He is the only one who bothered to call me to let me vent and show concern. So why am I still complaining?
Now, I really wanted to vent at someone. But who can that person be? I've just shooed away someone willing.
How could I ever be so selfish to think of my own pain?
Then I am trying to think to myself and convince myself of what someone has told me before: He is not the normal guy I know. Don't be blinded by him.
Turmoil and struggling to believe or not. Struggle to believe if what he has ever told me is true or not.
Last night I was advising my friend who has eating disorder because of her many unfortunate encounters and heartbreaks. I told her, in Mandarin, 有什么会惨过于 "死"? 发生了什么事都好, 最多最惨只不过是个 "死". Honestly, no matter what you've encountered, what is worse than death itself? The worst consequence is to die, isn't it? As long as you are alive, what pain could possibly be worse than that?
Anyway it's back to the life without him. Whatever emotions might be brewing within me, I guess I need to neutralise them. If I could do that for whatever else, I should be able to do it for this too.
That SMS I've sent out did take effect. As much as it's tearing me apart, I got to get over this consequence and live my life.
Sometimes I think to myself: If only I've just continued to take the calls and talk happily. What's wrong with that? He called me to let me complain too. He called me to check if I am OK. He knew I am crumbling under stress at both jobs. He is the only one who bothered to call me to let me vent and show concern. So why am I still complaining?
Now, I really wanted to vent at someone. But who can that person be? I've just shooed away someone willing.
How could I ever be so selfish to think of my own pain?
Then I am trying to think to myself and convince myself of what someone has told me before: He is not the normal guy I know. Don't be blinded by him.
Turmoil and struggling to believe or not. Struggle to believe if what he has ever told me is true or not.
Last night I was advising my friend who has eating disorder because of her many unfortunate encounters and heartbreaks. I told her, in Mandarin, 有什么会惨过于 "死"? 发生了什么事都好, 最多最惨只不过是个 "死". Honestly, no matter what you've encountered, what is worse than death itself? The worst consequence is to die, isn't it? As long as you are alive, what pain could possibly be worse than that?
Anyway it's back to the life without him. Whatever emotions might be brewing within me, I guess I need to neutralise them. If I could do that for whatever else, I should be able to do it for this too.
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