为什么...

There are no words I can use to express how sorry I truly am for the thing I've said.
I just want to let him know, even though he will not be reading this entry,
that I am truly truly sorry for what I've said,
that I know I really shouldn't have said it...
and that I truly truly love him...

I hate myself for who I am in front of him
I don't think he deserves me at all, because I am unfit
I hate myself for being unable to show who I really am in front of him
And I despise myself for being unable to tell me that I do trust him... not completely, but mostly.
I hate the way I'm constructed, and I hate the way I am inside.
I hate all the flaws in me... not just personality flaws, but physical flaws too.

I feel so lost...
How I wish he could hold me right this moment...

I've only one wish with the tears I cry every night:
Please don't be mad anymore... Please...