Feeling empty + Seoulia BBQ
It feels so empty without him by my side, whilst my 2 'homies' have their friends here to stay, though for one of them she and her friend is not connected romantically somewhat, whilst the other one definitely is... How I wish he is with me at this time... I'm all alone in my room, like some person so 'unwanted' and unloved. If only he can just come over for one night to keep me company, I'll be so happy......
Cutting my hair doesn't just mean a change of style... It definitely involves a change of style, a fresh new image... but it also symbolises the notion of letting go. Before I stepped into the salon I've already made up my mind that I will let things go and start afresh, and after I cut my long hair I will cut away my pain as well. Even though I still cannot leave the premises where I can see him everyday, and so far I cannot change this fact; however since I can't change that fact, I have to change myself, the variable. How would I evaluate myself so far? I dunno... I realised I became more relaxed and less bothered about things. I've changed my perceptions, the way I view things, and the way I feel for things. I stuck less to him, appeared more 'cool' and stopped harping on things. Seemingly, I've given him lots more space and comfort, and whatever else. Within this short time-frame after the previous tension easened, I felt that there are slight changes. He seemed a little more 'relaxed' with me. There are more calls and coffee breaks. I don't know if that is actually a good sign. I am not expecting anything. And I know that things will definitely crash again one day or another. I am just enjoying and appreciating the fact that there are 'better' times now... I have to come to terms that I'm never his priority, and accept the terms.
Easy said? Yeah... but I'm trying... trying my best.
Looking at my friend who has just rejected someone and feeling bad about it, made me think: is that how he felt (assuming he knows my feelings) too? Does he feel burdened? Stressed? Knowing my hidden feelings but he can't acknowledge or confront it, but cannot reject me outright knowing my vulnerability. Me, on the other hand, cannot show or confirm anything because of fear that might destroy our friendship... fear of rejection and hurt... Rejection... u cannot help it if u don't like the person, but u feel bad after doing it. The other party - how does he/she feel? Hurt, dejected, heartbroken, miserable... But what to do? What can be done?? Nothing. It's inevitable. People will tell u: get over it. But u know: takes alot of time. So during this process, what then? How to conquer ur misery?
Big question mark.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Anyway, just got photos from Sharuen, so I'll post some of them here...
Just on Monday (30 July) I met up with Sharuen, Sky, Joyce and Alan at Boxhill for some Korean BBQ at Seoulia. Was really smelly after the BBQ though, but we enjoyed every moment of it. The meat's really juicy, and we had lots of juicy oranges too.... Very bloated after that.
Some pictures to share:
Sizzling...
I'm cooking...
Me, sha, sky
I like this picture... hahaha...
Eating the Korean style...
I am literally coughing my lungs out. Even I myself cannot stand the rate that I'm coughing, least to say the people around me. I hope I don't pass this virus around!
Cutting my hair doesn't just mean a change of style... It definitely involves a change of style, a fresh new image... but it also symbolises the notion of letting go. Before I stepped into the salon I've already made up my mind that I will let things go and start afresh, and after I cut my long hair I will cut away my pain as well. Even though I still cannot leave the premises where I can see him everyday, and so far I cannot change this fact; however since I can't change that fact, I have to change myself, the variable. How would I evaluate myself so far? I dunno... I realised I became more relaxed and less bothered about things. I've changed my perceptions, the way I view things, and the way I feel for things. I stuck less to him, appeared more 'cool' and stopped harping on things. Seemingly, I've given him lots more space and comfort, and whatever else. Within this short time-frame after the previous tension easened, I felt that there are slight changes. He seemed a little more 'relaxed' with me. There are more calls and coffee breaks. I don't know if that is actually a good sign. I am not expecting anything. And I know that things will definitely crash again one day or another. I am just enjoying and appreciating the fact that there are 'better' times now... I have to come to terms that I'm never his priority, and accept the terms.
Easy said? Yeah... but I'm trying... trying my best.
Looking at my friend who has just rejected someone and feeling bad about it, made me think: is that how he felt (assuming he knows my feelings) too? Does he feel burdened? Stressed? Knowing my hidden feelings but he can't acknowledge or confront it, but cannot reject me outright knowing my vulnerability. Me, on the other hand, cannot show or confirm anything because of fear that might destroy our friendship... fear of rejection and hurt... Rejection... u cannot help it if u don't like the person, but u feel bad after doing it. The other party - how does he/she feel? Hurt, dejected, heartbroken, miserable... But what to do? What can be done?? Nothing. It's inevitable. People will tell u: get over it. But u know: takes alot of time. So during this process, what then? How to conquer ur misery?
Big question mark.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Anyway, just got photos from Sharuen, so I'll post some of them here...
Just on Monday (30 July) I met up with Sharuen, Sky, Joyce and Alan at Boxhill for some Korean BBQ at Seoulia. Was really smelly after the BBQ though, but we enjoyed every moment of it. The meat's really juicy, and we had lots of juicy oranges too.... Very bloated after that.
Some pictures to share:
Sizzling...
I'm cooking...
Me, sha, sky
I like this picture... hahaha...
Eating the Korean style...
I am literally coughing my lungs out. Even I myself cannot stand the rate that I'm coughing, least to say the people around me. I hope I don't pass this virus around!
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