One week ago, one week later
(Added 18-4-07 - see bottom)
One week ago, I was still tearful and weak.
One week ago, I simply couldn't see and feel. I was still very blind.
One week later, I feel much stronger.
One week later, tears do not flow as much as it used to.
One week later, I can see better, feel better, hear better, think better.
And all it takes is one SMS.
"We'll no longer be brothers and sisters, just ordinary friends.................."
"You care more for the person you like than the friends around you..............."
"You hurt people's feelings................"
"I was angry with you cuz of this................"
STUPID SMS I've sent (on Friday night), and I regret it now. But if I haven't sent it out, I wouldn't be able to start to move on, cross the line and get going.
I'm still at the starting line. I can still see what's behind that line. But at least I've crossed the line. And I hope I will not go back to square 1.
On Sunday, we met on the first occassion after that sms, and wow... his face was SOOT BLACK. His mood was SOOT BLACK. Didn't talk. Ignored each other.
After a while, we started joking. I called him "little boss" and he called me "little lady boss". Colleagues said we sound just like husband and wife. We were silent. No comments.
On Monday night, he treated me bubble tea. He initiated. He took care of me. He was ultra nice.
But somehow I felt differently ever since that SMS was sent. No more sweet feelings. No more cloud 9s. No more lingerings. I felt quite normal. And I advocated and convinced myself: It IS normal.
Friends tell me, and I know this: I am not the person of his dreams. Naturally he'll treat her nicer than other people. I can't expect too much, demand too much, hope for too much. But when my heart cuts, these hard facts simply vanishes into thin air.
What disappoints me greatly is: not once did he ask about the sms. Why am I like that? What is it supposed to mean? Tell me off. Reprimand me. Make fun of me. But no, he didn't. It was as if I've never sent anything at all. But the atmosphere between us tells me that he has read it and felt it. Felt my unusual feelings. Felt what I've tried to hide for so long and can't tell him. So he remained silent.
Obviously. Time to let go. Time to move on.
Wish me luck.
**************************************************************
On the "sooty black" Sunday, I had Sharuen to accompany me to work. She needs to go to the city to meet her high school friend, and they came to Chom Chom for lunch~ Then when I knock off at 6pm, we went to Shanghai Shui Jiao Dian to have 15 dumplings (shared) and then went to do some shopping (I bought a pair of shoes, and she bought a hat) at Imagination, and then did some groceries, and headed back home.
I was DEAD BEAT..... recently have been working too hard. My Easter's all spent at work. However, I'll be getting 2 days off from now onwards - Tuesday (cuz I have class and there's enough people) and Saturday (I usually don't work Saturdays anyway). At least I get some time off for my studies.
Sharuen loves taking photos, me too, but I wasn't in the mood.... I was very tired, and I look very tired. Having insufficient rest and sleep has made me look aweful recently. No matter what I wear, how I make myself up, I do not look any better.... I miss the times in Singapore..... Good food, sufficient sleep = better complexion, healthier looks...
Waiting for the bus at the bus loop...
Angels by day...
Devils by night...
At home already... but still shooting
Munching my favorite bread and cheese spread...
Having 'fun' shooting at home.
Presenting... my new shoes~$40... sigh...
I've also downloaded alot of songs for my entertainment purposes (best on headphones). Downloaded ALOT of albums and stuff, but I'm going to introduce 2 of the best I've heard so far:
Timbaland - Presents Shock Value
Serious shocking. Kickass album. Worth my time.
Only if u're a fan of hip-hop.
Evanescence - The Open Door
Hard rock fans - Evanessence never fails to rock my world with this new album~ Love Amy Lee's haunting voice.
Plus: Taro Iwashiro's "All Alone", Joe Hisaish's "Wind of Life" and "Nostalgia", as well as Yukie Nishimura "Super Best". All Japanese pianists, and their music's awesome~ Best to listen to them late at night.
Going to continue working on my assignment now.
*enters into stresss mode*
Somehow, I still hope that the phone will ring.... I know people will hit me hard if I were to tell them this... But I'm still hoping that one night.. just one night.. I'll get a call instead of her...
****************************************
Wednesday 18/4 -- Today, he hugged me, gave me a full package massage in the restaurant.. and we joked happily... We touched several times and I can feel that nothing has changed after the SMS.. And........ at the entrance of Melbourne Central station, he gave me a piggyback ride out of a sudden and let me ride on his back from the entrance all the way down to the train platforms.... I know it's for fun, but it felt so sweet. I wished that time will stay still for that very moment and let me embrace in that lovely moment a little longer. It felt really good to be on his back and clinging on to his neck whilst he carried me all the way.....
Just when I thought I am on my way to recovery, he gave me the 'bomb' again and I am in all shambers again... Or am I not? It's hard to tell now because my mood's flying in the sky, but how will I feel tomorrow, or the days after, if he hurts me again?
Why am I in this mess??
One week ago, I was still tearful and weak.
One week ago, I simply couldn't see and feel. I was still very blind.
One week later, I feel much stronger.
One week later, tears do not flow as much as it used to.
One week later, I can see better, feel better, hear better, think better.
And all it takes is one SMS.
"We'll no longer be brothers and sisters, just ordinary friends.................."
"You care more for the person you like than the friends around you..............."
"You hurt people's feelings................"
"I was angry with you cuz of this................"
STUPID SMS I've sent (on Friday night), and I regret it now. But if I haven't sent it out, I wouldn't be able to start to move on, cross the line and get going.
I'm still at the starting line. I can still see what's behind that line. But at least I've crossed the line. And I hope I will not go back to square 1.
On Sunday, we met on the first occassion after that sms, and wow... his face was SOOT BLACK. His mood was SOOT BLACK. Didn't talk. Ignored each other.
After a while, we started joking. I called him "little boss" and he called me "little lady boss". Colleagues said we sound just like husband and wife. We were silent. No comments.
On Monday night, he treated me bubble tea. He initiated. He took care of me. He was ultra nice.
But somehow I felt differently ever since that SMS was sent. No more sweet feelings. No more cloud 9s. No more lingerings. I felt quite normal. And I advocated and convinced myself: It IS normal.
Friends tell me, and I know this: I am not the person of his dreams. Naturally he'll treat her nicer than other people. I can't expect too much, demand too much, hope for too much. But when my heart cuts, these hard facts simply vanishes into thin air.
What disappoints me greatly is: not once did he ask about the sms. Why am I like that? What is it supposed to mean? Tell me off. Reprimand me. Make fun of me. But no, he didn't. It was as if I've never sent anything at all. But the atmosphere between us tells me that he has read it and felt it. Felt my unusual feelings. Felt what I've tried to hide for so long and can't tell him. So he remained silent.
Obviously. Time to let go. Time to move on.
Wish me luck.
**************************************************************
On the "sooty black" Sunday, I had Sharuen to accompany me to work. She needs to go to the city to meet her high school friend, and they came to Chom Chom for lunch~ Then when I knock off at 6pm, we went to Shanghai Shui Jiao Dian to have 15 dumplings (shared) and then went to do some shopping (I bought a pair of shoes, and she bought a hat) at Imagination, and then did some groceries, and headed back home.
I was DEAD BEAT..... recently have been working too hard. My Easter's all spent at work. However, I'll be getting 2 days off from now onwards - Tuesday (cuz I have class and there's enough people) and Saturday (I usually don't work Saturdays anyway). At least I get some time off for my studies.
Sharuen loves taking photos, me too, but I wasn't in the mood.... I was very tired, and I look very tired. Having insufficient rest and sleep has made me look aweful recently. No matter what I wear, how I make myself up, I do not look any better.... I miss the times in Singapore..... Good food, sufficient sleep = better complexion, healthier looks...
Waiting for the bus at the bus loop...
Angels by day...
Devils by night...
At home already... but still shooting
Munching my favorite bread and cheese spread...
Having 'fun' shooting at home.
Presenting... my new shoes~$40... sigh...
I've also downloaded alot of songs for my entertainment purposes (best on headphones). Downloaded ALOT of albums and stuff, but I'm going to introduce 2 of the best I've heard so far:
Timbaland - Presents Shock Value
Serious shocking. Kickass album. Worth my time.
Only if u're a fan of hip-hop.
Evanescence - The Open Door
Hard rock fans - Evanessence never fails to rock my world with this new album~ Love Amy Lee's haunting voice.
Plus: Taro Iwashiro's "All Alone", Joe Hisaish's "Wind of Life" and "Nostalgia", as well as Yukie Nishimura "Super Best". All Japanese pianists, and their music's awesome~ Best to listen to them late at night.
Going to continue working on my assignment now.
*enters into stresss mode*
Somehow, I still hope that the phone will ring.... I know people will hit me hard if I were to tell them this... But I'm still hoping that one night.. just one night.. I'll get a call instead of her...
****************************************
Wednesday 18/4 -- Today, he hugged me, gave me a full package massage in the restaurant.. and we joked happily... We touched several times and I can feel that nothing has changed after the SMS.. And........ at the entrance of Melbourne Central station, he gave me a piggyback ride out of a sudden and let me ride on his back from the entrance all the way down to the train platforms.... I know it's for fun, but it felt so sweet. I wished that time will stay still for that very moment and let me embrace in that lovely moment a little longer. It felt really good to be on his back and clinging on to his neck whilst he carried me all the way.....
Just when I thought I am on my way to recovery, he gave me the 'bomb' again and I am in all shambers again... Or am I not? It's hard to tell now because my mood's flying in the sky, but how will I feel tomorrow, or the days after, if he hurts me again?
Why am I in this mess??
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