I'm invisible. I'm HOLLOW woman~

Maybe the last nerve in me sort of snapped, maybe I'm feeling really stressed cuz of the upcoming exams and all, cuz I felt very easily irritated. However, the fact that I'm always treated as invisible makes me feel very hurt, and though I've been trying to look past that fact for a long time now, but now it has become so obvious that it's impossible to hide it any longer.

I understand that if 2 people are good friends, and you are just an ordinary friend who just knew them, you will tend to feel left out. But not when you are being DELIBERATELY left out. We live under one roof, is there a need for people leaving other people out? Aren't they supposed to be looking out for each other and stuff? I dunno... Now that MC has been staying in Frankston with her bf all the time, the house has only 3 people left. Out of this 3 people, 2 of them are 'close friends'. It's ok, and it's a fact that they ARE close friends. But who am I? I've been deliberately left out when they talk, and when they eat and do things together. The thing is, ONE of them will be calling out "MM (abbreviation).... u know hor... bla bla bla bla bla", "MM... u want to eat noodles?", "MM.... I saw so-and-so today.... blablabla..."... and all the while, I AM THERE, and she's only addressing ONE person, like she's ONLY talking to that person, and am I supposed to participate or not? When I reply her regardless of what, she will reply in a simple manner and that's it, she'll continue her talk with MM... I feel like I'm invisible, and I don't exist at all.

Yesterday I kinda voiced it out, but with no intention to pick an argument. I just said, "Sometimes with you two, I feel like I don't exist". This girl, heard me, just GRINNED at me. Her reaction seriously pissed me off! I wasn't even pissed off in the first place when i remarked, but her reaction??!! WTF is with that grin? And it's such a WIDE grin! If she has said something to defend herself, or even to say some apologetic words (though she won't mean it), I'll have just been "OK, whatever". But her reaction really pissed me off.

When I went to work yesterday I didn't tell her, since she was the only one at home then. And in return, she didn't switch on the porch lights for me when I return home late at night, and in the dark. I can sense it's intentional.

I don't know where's my place at all! I forgot to mention to them I'm working on Wednesday (last minute thing cuz manager called me up saying not enough people so I got to help), and none of them called me to see what's up. They usually call each other if either one of them is out, or didn't come back. But to me, they won't even call or bother. Like who cares? That's what they think.

Yes, I might not be all that perfect, and I have flaws and faults that they might not like. But who doesn't have faults?? We've thrashed it out the other time and I've already told them if there is anything I can do or improve they can tell me. And things were fine then. But to treat me as invisible is totally outrageous! I feel VERY invisible. Like a hollow woman of the house. I've tried to make myself visible, but all those attempts were futile. I'm so tired now I simply STOP trying.
Exams are coming, I can't stress over such issues. All I can say is, I feel very uncomfortable when this particular person is around. That's why I tend to stay out, or lock myslef in my room.

Thursday - didn't have a good day. One, I felt fat - been eating ALOT recently. Practically indulging in myself and being a real glutton! I look like a panda. I look aweful! Then, my law assignment grade wasn't great either. ARGH! I was sitting through an awefully BORING law revision lecture, with a pool of urine in me needing to come out, yet I can't just LEAVE cuz they're giving out the assignments AFTER the lecture. Then, the lecture ended at 8.20pm, and by the time I received my assignment, it's already 8.40pm. No more shuttle bus back home... so I need to take the train~ Took the Frankston line. Supposed to alight at ORMOND, but I was so depressed looking at my grade and listening to music at the same time, I MISSED ORMOND STATION!!!! By the time I realized it, I'm already too late. Have to alight at the next stop at McKinnon, which I have never been to before. It was dark and isolated there. The next train back to Caulfield will be half hour later, TOO LONG! None of those I've called are able to pick me up (and I made a mistake of calling SOMEONE who apparently doesn't even know who I am! So disappointed in that SOMEONE), so in the end, I took the train, back to Caulfield, and took a CAB costing me $21 back to Clayton. How great can that be huh?

You might ask me, why take the cab??? You can take the train to Ormond again, or Huntingdale, or even Clayton, and take the bus back! Well... it's already 9.30pm, and AMAZING RACE has already started, and I don't want to miss it! It's getting more and more interesting and exciting now, and I'm so hooked to it! I was never really that hooked to it before.. They were in Bangkok, Thailand today, and now 3 teams will compete for that million dollars next week in Japan, North Pole, and ending it all in America. It's really exciting~ Tonight MoJo team got eliminated. And i'm kinda glad that they're out cuz the guy's too rude and the girl's such a bimbo/crybaby. ARGH! Can't stand them~

And another bad day - I got REPRIMANDED by that housemate of mine when I was back. I was rushing in cuz I was late, and I made a dash for the TV. At that instant, all that's on my mind is, I want to watch Amazing Race, and it has already started! I forgot about the porch light, and I need to switch it off. But was that on purpose? I was just watching TV, and the tension goes:

"CLARICE!"

"yup?"

"If you want people to leave the light on for you, you got to switch it off! You always never switch off the light! People always got to switch it off for you! I got to switch it off for you!"

"Okok I'll switch it off later"..

(Harsh tone) "I've already switch it off!"

"........."

What can I say? Yes I admit sometimes I forgot about the porch light, but I didn't do it on purpose! And is there a need to YELL at me? That was so RUDE! Just TELL me that I got to switch it off, and I will understand, but she was telling me off like she's my mother and she has all the right to. The way she talked to me is so rude! I felt like yelling back at her then, but I held it back since I'm watching TV, and I don't want to ruin everything since I've already got a bad day, and she's got to end my day for me with a even worse note. Oh my, I was boiling so much then!

STOP acting like you're such a biggie, and STOP being so rude just because you think you're capable and you think you have all the right! Respect people, for god's sake! Being straightforward as your character does not equal to being mean and rude!

Side topic: I have decided to make one more piercing just right on top of the one I've done last week. I figured, since the earrings comes in a pair, I might as well have it pierced, or else what am I to do with the earring?? So it' 3 on the left ear now... WOOT! So far so good... I feel like piercing one more on the right too... but should I? I'll have to think about that...

Ok... got to run... and to whoever who dropped by this page, thanks for hearing me rant and whinge. I feel much better now... :)