How Selfish Can You Get?

I seriously do not understand how much effort it would take to send a girl home late at night, especially when you have a car. It is not as if we stay extremely far away from each other! It is not as if you have no idea where I stay either, or that I need that lift every day. And since you are already ready to leave, and I am leaving, why can't you just send me home? It might just take 10 minutes extra of your time... Why did you speed past pretending not to see me waiting for the tram at the tram stop? My safety probaby means nothing to you, but as a guy shouldn't you at least be slightly more thoughtful? Perhaps I can only deduce you probably AREN'T a gentleman at all...

Please, spare a thought for the people around you. Try to understand their needs and their feelings. Maybe you think I do not know you very well to judge anything, which is true, however, do you know any of us too? You might be good maintaining the operations of the restaurant, but you are definitely not a people's person.

Maybe I shouldn't be expecting too much. After all, you are just someone I work with. We are not friends, therfore what's there for me to care about?

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I am very grouchy, partly because it was Valentine's Day, and honestly, I hate this day. I'm just back from a freaking busy day, and I was put in charge upstairs, and it was jammed packed with people. Different kind of couples came to eat - the young and very in-love ones; the husband and wives; double/triple/quadriple dates; even groups of single friends... The boss has re-arranged the entire restaurant, and put mostly tables of 4-6 people upstairs, and tables of 2 (or for couples) downstairs. This arrangement is just for V-day only. It was a good thing for me to be upstairs because there aren't any couples. However, when I am not upstairs, I'll be helping out downstairs, and I see couples eating and having a romantic time, I can't help but miss him terribly.

I wonder, why am I someone who doesn't deserve any love and being "疼爱"? The feeling came to me strongly when I saw my selfish manager sped past the tram stop, knowing he would have seen me sitting there waiting for my tram. I got really pissed off not because I care for his actions (he's just showing that he's not a gentleman), but for the fact that I seem to be pretty much ignored. Why are most girls being showered with love and I can't even get any?? I feel so useless and so unloved... Why V-day? What is it for me? It is NOTHING. Just another day for me to feel all edgy and unhappy...

I miss him terribly, but what can I do? Would he have felt the same way? I doubt so. Would he know how I am feeling? I doubt so. How can I ever express myself to him, on how I feel and how I wish to see him or hear his voice again. I know, as long as I fully recover and am confident I can see him without feeling the wound, I will never be able to see him again. Unless I can totally view him purely as a good friend and not someone I love so much, I cannot meet him again. It cuts me apart to think that it could well be another few years before I can see him....

Things happening around me just confirmed my speculation of my destiny. I am meant to be BOTH alone AND lonely. Perhaps IF I find the job of my dreams I would feel much better about myself, regardless of what sort of destiny has been written for me.

Soju, soju.... Can you please knock me out of this misery???