I became someone unkind
For the first time, I have this feeling of my mind ruling over my head, and the strong urge to be unkind for once.
I actually refused to help someone who needs it, and I delivered the message by continuously ignoring the person til he gets the message.
The following reasons explain why I made such a decision:
1. I am fully aware I am just being used.
2. There is no reason why I have to be the one to help. He has so many friends in Melbourne, some of them our mutual friends, some of them his own friends. Why me?
3. Ever since our final separation, he has not contacted me for almost 4 years. Why would he suddenly reappear to ask for my help?
4. Over these years I've despaired, cried, lost hope, lost my mind, became depressed, binged and completely lost my way. Finally I stood up, put my past behind me and moved on. I have now moved on and am happy with my life now, why should I go back to the misery I went through before and be affiliated with him? I know I sound almost selfish here, but I dread to go back into the black hole again. It was not a pleasant experience!
5. As I've mentioned: 4 years. If you haven't talked to someone, anyone, in 4 years and suddenly started talking again, what would you first ask that person? Shouldn't it be "How are you?", "How have you been?", "What are you doing these days?" etc etc? Should it be: "Are you still in Melbourne?", "You are? I need your help with........". WTF. I was surprised with myself for even bothering to reply!
6. In order to get his much-needed "help", he added me back on Facebook (I have deleted him and I am NOT adding him back), sent me messages, re-confirmed if my contact number is still the same (and ironically he STILL has my number, but he never even kept his promise to call me), whatsapp-ed me, called me (but I refused to answer).
7. He knows me too well and knows that I will definitely help him. Yes, I am someone who always try my best to help anyone who needs my help, and will only decline if it is really beyond my capabilities. Yes, I have had a special relationship with him before so perhaps he thinks I wouldn't reject him. Yes, after all we are all helping fellow Singaporeans so I wouldn't say no. Yes, I am naive and gullible. Yes, people can use me easily and kick me around as a result.
But NO, he may have been right about me, but he is wrong about it this time.
All comes down to one word: Disappointment. I do not feel hurt or sad anymore. The only feeling I got was sheer disappointment.
Looking back, I do not even know why I got so infatuated with him when I was younger. I tried to look at his qualities now and realised that there were none. I cannot find a reason now why I have liked him so much. I spent my 20s feeling sad because I couldn't receive this special "gift" since his heart was with someone else. And after much pain and ordeal I received this "gift" but the happiness was so short-lived. We spent the rest of our relationship fighting and ignoring each other. And when we finally broke up, it took me ages to recover and regain my sanity. Now that I am normal again, I do occasionally think that we can perhaps still be friends and behave naturally. I was totally not expecting to begin our possible "friendship" this way.
I thought I am wrong to think this way. I was guilty to ignore him. So I talked to some of my friends and they agreed with me that he does not deserve my help. What he is asking is kind of big too, and will take a lot of my time. They all sang in unison I do not have to feel guilty in any way, and it is right for me not to help.
[Note: It is not a life-threatening thing that needs my help or else..... (insert something bad).]
Perhaps, if he has approached me in a different way, I would have helped him. If he has approached me in a different way, he would still be right about how he has understood about me - naive, helpful, gullible... what not. But sorry, you have gotten off on the wrong foot on me this time, so good luck with getting your help from other kinder, less tormented souls.
I actually refused to help someone who needs it, and I delivered the message by continuously ignoring the person til he gets the message.
The following reasons explain why I made such a decision:
1. I am fully aware I am just being used.
2. There is no reason why I have to be the one to help. He has so many friends in Melbourne, some of them our mutual friends, some of them his own friends. Why me?
3. Ever since our final separation, he has not contacted me for almost 4 years. Why would he suddenly reappear to ask for my help?
4. Over these years I've despaired, cried, lost hope, lost my mind, became depressed, binged and completely lost my way. Finally I stood up, put my past behind me and moved on. I have now moved on and am happy with my life now, why should I go back to the misery I went through before and be affiliated with him? I know I sound almost selfish here, but I dread to go back into the black hole again. It was not a pleasant experience!
5. As I've mentioned: 4 years. If you haven't talked to someone, anyone, in 4 years and suddenly started talking again, what would you first ask that person? Shouldn't it be "How are you?", "How have you been?", "What are you doing these days?" etc etc? Should it be: "Are you still in Melbourne?", "You are? I need your help with........". WTF. I was surprised with myself for even bothering to reply!
6. In order to get his much-needed "help", he added me back on Facebook (I have deleted him and I am NOT adding him back), sent me messages, re-confirmed if my contact number is still the same (and ironically he STILL has my number, but he never even kept his promise to call me), whatsapp-ed me, called me (but I refused to answer).
7. He knows me too well and knows that I will definitely help him. Yes, I am someone who always try my best to help anyone who needs my help, and will only decline if it is really beyond my capabilities. Yes, I have had a special relationship with him before so perhaps he thinks I wouldn't reject him. Yes, after all we are all helping fellow Singaporeans so I wouldn't say no. Yes, I am naive and gullible. Yes, people can use me easily and kick me around as a result.
But NO, he may have been right about me, but he is wrong about it this time.
All comes down to one word: Disappointment. I do not feel hurt or sad anymore. The only feeling I got was sheer disappointment.
Looking back, I do not even know why I got so infatuated with him when I was younger. I tried to look at his qualities now and realised that there were none. I cannot find a reason now why I have liked him so much. I spent my 20s feeling sad because I couldn't receive this special "gift" since his heart was with someone else. And after much pain and ordeal I received this "gift" but the happiness was so short-lived. We spent the rest of our relationship fighting and ignoring each other. And when we finally broke up, it took me ages to recover and regain my sanity. Now that I am normal again, I do occasionally think that we can perhaps still be friends and behave naturally. I was totally not expecting to begin our possible "friendship" this way.
I thought I am wrong to think this way. I was guilty to ignore him. So I talked to some of my friends and they agreed with me that he does not deserve my help. What he is asking is kind of big too, and will take a lot of my time. They all sang in unison I do not have to feel guilty in any way, and it is right for me not to help.
[Note: It is not a life-threatening thing that needs my help or else..... (insert something bad).]
Perhaps, if he has approached me in a different way, I would have helped him. If he has approached me in a different way, he would still be right about how he has understood about me - naive, helpful, gullible... what not. But sorry, you have gotten off on the wrong foot on me this time, so good luck with getting your help from other kinder, less tormented souls.
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